On Wholness


“You complete me

Those were the words that Jerry Mcguire uttered to his true love before a room full of embattled and bitter divorcees. It is a phrase that has seeped so deeply into our social fabric as to have become cliché. And yet, cliché though it may be, We believe the assertions of it, don’t we? Or at least we want to believe them on some level. The idea that another person can enter our lives to bring wholeness to us. It sounds romantic. Right? Well, maybe, but how accurate is it?

Expecting another to bring wholeness and completion to you places WAY too much responsibility on the other person. It’s unfair to expect someone (who is likely not complete in themselves) to bring you to a place of wholeness. The idea of finding completion from another also lets you off the hook as it relates to your own responsibility to grow and evolve and heal.

“Cura te ipsum” Physician, heal thyself.

It stands to reason that the ideal relationship would be one in which both parties join one anotheralready whole… BUT, I mean, let’s get real here for a second, shall we: How many of us actually enter relationships as 100 percent “whole” beings-fully integrated with ten years of therapy already  under our belts (it takes about five years just to deal with “Mom” and then another five to get all the religious crap dealt with…oh and then there’s being dumped by our highschool sweetheart at 15, but I digress)?

Look, believe me I know that not all relationships are salvageable; and they were never meant to be. In light of this, maybe the best that we can do is the best we can do, yes? Here’s the thing, when two incomplete individuals join,(and by incomplete, I mean anyone who’s not reached the enlightenment of Gautama Buddha or the Christ consciousness of Jesus) in order for the relationship to succeed, a healthy dose of understanding is called for-understanding of the other and of one’s self, knowing that you both carry scars that still hurt when it rains and open wounds that are yet agonizing to the touch…so when he or she cries out in pain, or when and if you ever get fed up with not being filled up, remind yourself that you’re not complete and they’re not complete, but maybe together you can trek the path of growth and unfoldment, encouraging one other along the way.

~Michael Ezell


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