Resting in Infinity

Yesterday I was assisting in a pretty complicated procedure. It required a great deal of concentration on everyone’s part and lasted quite some time. I happened to be working with and depending upon an operating Room nurse who just didn’t appear (initially at least) to have the requisite skills to perform sucessfully  during the procedure. As I made certain requests of her, I observed as she would begin to panic! With each request, her breathing would become shallow. Her face blanched to snow white and then would run red with blood. The surgeon I was assisting could feel her energy and he would just become silently frustrated as his concentration would be broken repeatedly. I could feel her fear. I could nearly smell it. taste it.

I matched her panic and sense of overwhelm with calmness, clarity and love.

At the end of the procedure, the nurse just grabbed me and showered me with hugs and kisses, thanking me for my patients with her. “How do you remain so peaceful all the time Mike?” She asked.

With that I just burst out in my signature baritoned belly laugh!

“I’m sooo sorry for laughing”  I returned contritely, “but you have to understand that 10 years ago NO ONE and I mean NO ONE would’ve EVER accused me of being ‘Peaceful’!”

It was true! In a matter of 10 years I had gone from being a farely nice guy with a swift east coast temper  to   being quite a cool-headed, relaxed and patient guy (if I do say so myself)! I don’t mean to sound self serving, but understand. I just LOVE being able to say that because it truly wsn’t always the case!  But what had made the difference? what had changed?

to avoid offering  up my entire autobiography, here’s a brief overview: 11 years ago I was an Afro-wearing fundamentalist Pentecostal Christian minister (no kidding, collar and all).  9 years ago I was an excommunicated minister who dared to ask the tough questions regarding Theological doctrine and teach what he believed in oratory.  7 years ago I went through an extremely difficult spiritual shift where I had completely uprooted decades of religious conditioning in order to see the Light with my own eyes rather than viewing it vicariously through  second-hand stories and subliminal suggestion. 5 years ago I was a bald-headed meditator with deep insights into my interior Self and my relationship with Spirit. I had become a mystic.

Though I have experienced much these past several years, If I had to credit one thing with my growth, without controversey I would say it was developing a daily meditation practice.

When you experience the vast openess of your infinite self, in contrast to your finite physical self, nothing which is typically labeled “stressful” can stick so-to-speak. Over time, this open expansion just ceases to be merely something which one experiences, rather something which one BECOMES.

In meditation, as you begin to identify with your INFINITE Self, FINITE things are observed upon the backdrop of this ifinitude. From such a perspective nothing so small as stress or anger, fear or worry can ever be taken seriously.

We all agreed to enter into this finite world both for our own individual reasons AND for a collective Purpose. So we do not want to deny our finite selves, i.e. our bodies, the feelings which they house and the cares which concern them. It’s just that to the extent that we IDENTIFY with this limited self, we will always feel a longing, a sense that there is something missing. More to be had.

It’s the identification with the finite self which is the cause for most of the suffering on the planet, for in our individual pursuits to fill a percieved void, we become frustrated as we realize that nothing quite scratches the itch. Not money, sex, alchohol, hobbies… nothing. This is because all finite things long for infinity. It is a part of our evolutionary impulse. It is a necessary part of of development in the physical world for without it we as a species would never have left the caves.

By contrast and by means of a Divine paradox, when we sit in the silence and simply observe ourselves, a few things happen…

By grace, we eventually come to realize that there are 2 aspects of ourselves: the seen and the Seer. We note how the seen, or finite self lives in Samsara, what Buddhists refer to as the prison. Yet wonderfully we also come to know the Seer Who rests in Nirvana, the infinite space outside of the prison. This Infinite Self which does not touch the stream of time, neither tarries with the vicissitudes therein, is in constant peace and bliss. Not happiness, happiness is an emotion for the finite self. Bliss is simply the freedom from emotions, all moving energies. Bliss doesn’t move within the heart like love, or burn within the chest like anger. It just is!

Practice Touching the Silence beloved friends. Sit daily in 2012, not trying to fit meditation into your day, but shaping your day around your silent time. Just sit without expectation until, by grace, the world melts into emptiness and you rest in infinity.

~Michael Ezell


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